Rescue mission

The time – 11.00 a.m.
The place – Potsdamer Platz Arcade
The mission – liberation of bike, which had become imprisoned while I was buying some motorbike boots on Saturday, due to the faulty and altogether pisspoor nature of the cheap lock that I’d bought in Neukölln.

First liberation attempt had occurred on Sunday with liberal use of can of oil, but had only resulted in the key – which had previously refused to turn – breaking off in the lock.

Second liberation attempt started badly – on pulling up to the railing my bike was attached to, discovery of large police van parked right next to it. Therefore had to pull the meter long wire cutters out of my friend’s car right in front of the Polizist sitting in the driving seat of the meat wagon. The friend - being half Afghan and not wanting to tempt the coppers into a spot of impromptu racial profiling – skedaddled out of there. I decided the best course of action was to act as though nothing could be more normal than to approach a locked bike wielding a giant pair of shears and proceed to chop through the lock. And amazingly, though I expected to have my collar felt at any moment, I was left undisturbed by both the dibble and the passing shoppers. It’s reassuring to know that either I look stunningly honest, or that there is so little crime here that it doesn’t occur to people that someone might be up to no good.

PS the wire cutters were surprisingly easy to get hold of. I merely went to my local lock shop and borrowed them, free of charge...