How to embarrass yourself

Shamed myself today. I was talking to some people and at the same time fidgeting with a pen. Suddenly the lid decided to flip up in the air and drop with seemingly precision guided technology right down the middle of my cleavage, causing great hilarity and cries of "goal" and "can we try?" To make matters worse, I then couldn’t locate the bloody thing. As my ferreting was being followed with keen interest by my audience, I decided to attempt a casual shrug and a “well maybe I’ll just leave it there for now” but this prompted several of the men to offer to help me to find it, so I had no choice but to carry on. By the time it had been shaken out onto the floor I wasn’t so much red as vermillion.

What is happening to my beloved Leeds? Can we really be heading for Division One?